Frogs & Snails

2009-05-19T08:08:00.001-07:00

Update Post

2009-05-11T07:18:00.001-07:00

Apparently, I had thought so much about the posts I wanted to blog about, that I somehow convinced my brain that I had already done it. And so, I'll mish mash the last few weeks together into one big update post.

Here's Ry enjoying our new yard with the world's biggest worm and his own little family of snails he's collected.

We shaved Ry's head because after the last two times dragging him into Supercuts and Great Clips and experiencing what can only be known as hell on earth.

I think he looks a lot more mischievous now.

Baby J FINALLY learned to roll over at 5 months...

and his five month birthday picture

and my new friend Steph knit him another pair of longies.

As for me, I finally started to get the hang of knitting. I'm still waiting for my supplies to come in so I can start dyeing more yarn and my website is in process. My grandmother died a few weeks back, which is of course sad but was a long time coming. I was able to visit her in the hospital a week before her death and she saw Baby J for the very first time. Her memorial service was last Friday, the first time I've ever seen a military ceremony and it was absolutely breathtaking and beautiful and respectful and awesome.

Also, my friend Jessica, who I have known for years via internet and phone, decided to surprise me and show up here with her three lovely children and we spent a fabulous evening BBQ'ing and talking and watching the kids play. Jessica's baby, Liam, is having surgery this week to repair his cleft lip. GO TEAM LIAM!!!

Last but not least, The Husband and I have just returned from a week long vacation in Florida, which was AWESOME, but deserves a post of its own. I'll be back shortly. :)

Then came "Wildberry"

2009-04-21T19:16:00.001-07:00

which I kind of want to eat.

Not for cheeks

2009-04-19T13:46:00.000-07:00

Me: "Markers are for paper, not for cheeks."

Ry: "Oh."

I honestly believe that he didn't know.

2009-04-19T13:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went on a tour of the Kangaroo Farm. I'd never been there before and wasn't sure what to expect. I guess I just thought it would be like the zoo, where kangaroos are in cages and you stand there and stare at them. Not quite. We got there and followed our tour guide inside a large fenced area where many, many, many kangaroos were walking/hopping around and we got to feed them bits of bread and pet them. It was weird. In fact, it creeped me out. I didn't pet them. The Husband said it was creepy for me because they are so human-like. They do scratch their backs like a human would. But otherwise, they are just strange. Their eyes were half closed so they all looked a little stoned or as if they were drugged out on ecstasy. It totally grossed me out.

See the baby in the pouch?? This one's a wallaby.

Llamas too. One kissed T-bug. Ry was more freaked out of the llamas than the kangaroos.

Yarn Dyeing

2009-04-15T15:21:00.001-07:00

is remarkably easy, any idiot could do it, including myself.

First I dyed with Kool-Aid..

And the result was a colorway I named "First Crush." (Think summer vacation, popsicle mustaches, and the nostalgia of your first childhood love.) DH said the kitchen smelled like a wet dog that had been bathed in kool-aid, which it did, because wet wool STINKS.

Then I dyed with Easter Egg Dye, and the result was something appropriate for Earth Day that I have affectionately named Finley, after my sweet Baby J.

Animal Farm

2009-04-15T14:48:00.000-07:00

Guess what we did today?

Wool #2--Shorties!!

2009-04-08T21:09:00.000-07:00

Yarn dyed by Mosaic Moon. Colorway: Woodland in Spring. Knitted by Jade Gaia.

And just because this picture cracks me up...

2009-04-04T22:53:00.000-07:00

Playing catch up

2009-04-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, wow. I know I haven't blogged in a long time. I don't plan on deleting this blog as I have all the others, but posts may be really sparse. I've thought a lot about writing and although it's still my heart, it needs to be put on hold for awhile. At least until Baby J is in school. I just have so many things going on--the babies, the big kids, the home ownership, all of the activities, the family fun, the weekends away, the neverending To Do lists, the laundry, the weight loss (OMG, going so terribly bad--I'm convinced I'm going to be THIS FAT forever now. It must be a turning 30 thing. The treadmill has now kicked my ass for an entire month and the scale refuses to budge. REFUSES!)

I've added yet another item to my overflowing list of daily life stuff, which is starting up my own small work-from-home business of dyeing yarn (and hopefully one day, knitting that yarn as well.) I've spent HOURS researching. Everything is in the planning phase and yes, I have yet to actually DYE YARN, but that will happen probably next weekend and maybe if you're lucky, I'll show you pictures of what a disaster I am sure to make on my first try. I really can't tell you much more because DUH, this is the internet and people could steal my really super duper great ideas. :) This little business venture is a partnership with a new friend, Steph, who I met at a cloth diapering playgroup. It's been a long time since I've had a "real life" friend and not one that is all the way across the country or one that I only communicate with via the internet. I think we've both been really friend-starved for a long time and so we've spent an unbelievable amount of time talking and getting to know each other. It's been really great. I'm way behind on everything, but it's been fun. The last time I had a local friend was a few summers ago, and even then I was never quite sure if she liked me or if she was just using me for babysitting. And then of course, stuff happened and she labeled me a "bad influence" and that was the end of it.

For more semi-updates of me and the fam, I update my Shutterfly page often. Comment here if you'd like the web address.

Shots, stabs and turtles

2009-03-23T10:57:00.001-07:00

Baby J had his first pediatrician's appointment since he was 3 days old. (He's 4 months now.) He looks splendid and at 16lbs.,3oz he is in the 78th percentile for his weight. He's in the 100th for his height, although I don't remember how long he is. I requested the first DTaP shot, which will likely be the only round of vaccination he receives until he is 10 or 11 and he gets HepB. Ry didn't start getting his DTaP shots until he turned 2 (and he is currently getting them every 6 months.) There is a certain urgency with Baby J, though, because pertussis outbreaks are occurring all around us and we mix and mingle in mostly unvaccinated circles. He cried for a couple of seconds after the shot and then he went to sleep, which really freaked me out (even though it was naptime, I would have preferred that he stay awake and alert and "with it.") I kept checking him all day for signs of autism or retardation or something. He's done fine. Just a few hours where his cheeks were flushed (probably from a slight fever), but other than that, great! Probably worse than the shot was the fact that in that same day, I tried diaper pins for the very first time and after easily pinning the first side of diaper, I held the other pin in my mouth as I folded up the next side. The pin dropped from my mouth, open, and at the same split second that it was coming to rest on the couch, Baby J kicked his foot down and right onto the pin, which stabbed his little foot about halfway down the length of the pin. I had to pull it out, it was seriously traumatizing and I'm still worried that he'll have permanent muscle or nerve damage and never be able to walk.

In funny kid news, here is Ry as he says "Look Mommy, I'm a turtle!"

Baaaa

2009-03-21T14:46:00.001-07:00

Baby J got his first pair of wool longies today. For those of you out-of-the-know, longies are knitted wool pants that can be worn over cloth diapers instead of those stuffy diaper covers. Wool repels moisture, is breathable, antibacterial, natural and does not have to be washed as often. If it gets soaked with pee, no worries, you just hang it up and reuse it when it's dry. It doesn't get stinky either.

I've never been completely in love with the knitted wool look. Really super crunchy. Way crunchier than me. But I dunno, I'm starting to feel the love. I got a pretty good deal at $38.00. I've seen them go for upwards of $200. "Green" living really means giving up the green...money, that is.

Knit by Kinderknits in ZenString's Sedona colorway.

Earth Hour

2009-03-20T07:58:00.001-07:00

Happy St. Patty's Day

2009-03-17T13:21:00.000-07:00

This picture looks terribly cute, I realize, but I'll have you know that it took a terrific amount of bribing and bargaining to get Ry to put his arm around the baby.

Baby fat and baby jeans

2009-03-12T13:28:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to let you know that posting on this blog may be slower than usual. All of my blogging time is going to a private weight loss/fitness blog. I'm focusing on this damn baby weight at the moment and the treadmill is kicking my ass.

But just for fun, a picture of the baby with his first pair of jeans.

(And if you hadn't noticed from the pictures and his constant hands-in-mouth, he is most certainly cutting his first tooth.)

Also--can anyone please tell me why my husband "saw this" and it "reminded him of me" and he "just had to buy it for me" ?

I don't even like fairies. She creeps me out, flying out of a lit up tree stump. And the look on her face makes me crack up laughing. My husband has known me for 15 years. Hard to believe.

P!nk wrote a song about me

2009-03-09T12:02:00.000-07:00

I was pretty much horrified to find that my 10 year old had purchased six songs from the newest P!nk album, which I have yet to get my own hot little hands on. P!nk is one of my favorites artists thus far and wow, do I feel old to know that my 5th grader is rocking out to "So What" on his iPod shuffle. I made him lend me his iPod, only to discover that P!nk was oh so kind enough to finally write a song about me. Ode to Rae, the Bad Influence, past present and future.

This song totally made me laugh. I can't even count how many friends I lost during my teenage years because their parents banned them from hanging out with me. I heard the term "Bad Influence" many, many times during that time period. And then, not even 2 years ago, I lost a very good friend of mine. The last words she spoke to me were in a bar and in a drunken slur she wagged her finger at me and said "I'm sorry we can't be friends anymore. You're just a bad influence."

P.S.

2009-03-08T21:22:00.001-07:00

My hot tub will cost approximately $1235.00 to fix. Not including the $45.00 I paid for the estimate. Humph.

2009-03-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

We've just returned from a weekend in Lake Chelan. My parents have owned a timeshare over there for something like 15 years. Lake Chelan in the winter is not quite as fun as it is in the summertime, but still a nice getaway. The view out of our bedroom window:

Really, I should have taken better scenic photographs because it was absolutely breathtaking out there this time of year. The weather in Chelan is nice and hot during the summer, but I wouldn't say it's necessarily beautiful. Very desertish. It is, however, beautiful in the winter. But I didn't want to be like my parents, who take about 500 photographs of nature during their vacation. Who wants to look at those pictures anyway?

We took the boys swimming several times. My poor kids, at 9 and 10, are still pretty much learning how to swim. Serious lack of pool time, but hey...we live in Seattle. I KIND OF have an excuse, but not much of one. Little Ry is apparently allergic to chlorine or bromine or something of the sort, because upon playing in the pool, his eyes swelled up to little slits (see picture), the whites of his eyes turned blood red, and then he proceeded to break out in hives.

We also went ice-skating. Skating is one of two sports that I'm decent at. (Water skiing is second.) Unfortunately, I've found that I am pretty awful at both sports while carrying 25 remaining pounds of pregnancy weight. The boys did great, though. There was a lot of falling...

clinging to the railing...

and you know, crying.

But still fun, always fun.

My momma has kept Ry with her in Chelan for the remainder of the week, so I will desperately be trying to accomplish something (anything) in the next five days. Wish me luck.

Our hot tub

2009-03-03T09:22:00.000-08:00

People hear that we have a hot tub and say "Ooooh! You're so lucky!!!" We tell them that it's located right outside our master bedroom, where there are sliding glass doors to come and go as you please between hot tub and bedroom. It also has a wall (lattice?) where vines grow to provide privacy.

Then we tell them that it doesn't work and they say, "No problem! Just get it fixed up!" And then we kind of laugh.

What they don't know is that we actually considered including "remove hot tub" as part of our Purchase and Sale agreement. Why, you ask, would anyone do such a thing?

Here's why:

I don't even know what it looks like inside. I hear from The Husband that it's clogged with pine needles and mucky water. He didn't even peer inside until AFTER we bought the house because he was terrified that he might find a dead body in there.

Is it even worth it?

How I became a character consumer

2009-02-25T11:55:00.000-08:00

If you know me in real life, you know that something I really despise is character clothing and accessories for children. Nothing irritates me more than seeing an infant in a Baby Mickey or Baby Einstein romper. (The only exception to this rule that I can think of is Classic Pooh, which IS classic and sweet and not annoying.) I roll my eyes at rowdy little boys with Power Ranger t-shirts and light up superhero shoes. Augh! Tacky! I would rather put my children in a plain t-shirt and a pair of affordable jeans with some really sturdy shoes than let them become a walking billboard. I never ONCE bought my older boys character shit. Grandma did not follow this rule, so they did end up with a few pairs of Spiderman shoes and what not, but I absolutely detested it.

The problem now, though, is that I have a 3 year old who has the biggest, most beautiful blue eyes you ever did see and he's just so sweet and knows how to get anything he wants out of me AND he's insane bananas for characters. And so, this is how he has ended up with Ironman shoes, a Wall-E shirt, a Kung Fu panda backpack and a NEW pair of Transformer shoes. Oh, the tackiness! But how I can say no? While normal children are taking Teddy to bed, little Ry is cradling Optimus Prime! He just loves those damn characters! Now I know how all of you moms of little girls end up with all of that horrid Disney princess shit and Barbie dolls galore. Yuck.

The Unveiling Part 2: The Living room

2009-02-23T16:08:00.000-08:00

Here's our front door! I have big plans to paint the exterior and interior of this door a barn-red. There used to be mini-blinds on this door but they were broken in the process of being washed. I really need to get something back up there, because I am often sitting at the computer nursing with my boobs hanging out and someone like the UPS man will knock on the door with me there in all of my glory.

This is the entry/coat closet. The doors were taken off when we painted and we never put them back on, because I started getting an idea in my head about transforming closet into a built-in. The Husband and I are in the process of designing something that will have at least four "cubbies" where the kids can hang their coat, backpack. There will also be little sections where they can put their shoes after they come in the front door and another little section to put any small personal belongings. My inspiration behind this idea comes from a $1300 piece of furniture from Pottery Barn:

This door leads to the Playroom. I love that there's a door here. It really cuts down on the "kid noise." I do think that we should put up some sort of shade. I hate that guests walk into our house and the first thing they see is a big room full of toys and kid mess.

And here's the Living Room. The futon was a freecycle find. I had the dumbest idea of buying a light colored cover for it. I thought, "Hey it's removeable and washable", but easier said than done. I'd really like to dress it up with some big huge throw pillows, but I think I'll probably have to make them myself since I've found that decorative pillows are ridiculously expensive.

The rug is a hand-me-down from my parents. It's a little too traditional for me, but hardwood floors mean RUGS and again, another expensive item.

The lovely piano with some prints that are waiting to be framed and to find their place.

The Husband built the fish tank stand out of scrap wood and black spray paint. I've been bugging him to put childproof doors on it, so he can store all of the fish paraphanelia, since I hate looking at fish food and junk that he stores on top of the tank.

The framed photo above the bookshelf is a quote from Thich Nhat Hahn, who I love. The other print is by one of my favorite artists, MC Escher.

The barn star is also new. I totally love it. Some of my favorite family photos are featured here. I'm still waiting for one last print to complete the wall.

Currently, our television is perched atop an end table. We've been searching and searching for an entertainment center and finally realized that we're going to have to make one to get exactly what we want/need. The Husband is a carpenter, after all, and loves to put his skills to good use. He's drawn up plans for a corner entertainment center where the DVD player and cable box are up high enough so little fingers can't mess with them. It will also have a bit of media storage. I'd like it to have doors, so we can close up the TV when it's not in use, but The Husband and I are still hashing that one out. I can't wait for the entertainment center to get built. I can't stand looking at the big tangled mass of cords. Cords are my pet peeve.

We got the leather recliner for free when I was looking for something that would not only fit our design scheme, but would act as a rocking chair for the baby. The fabric hanging from the wall here is what I've purchased for the living room curtains I'll be sewing. It's just tacked up right now so we could decide if we liked it or not. The Husband says the material is too dark. I love it, and I got the fabric for a STEAL.

The Unveiling Part 1: The Kitchen

2009-02-23T11:04:00.001-08:00

Entrance from Living Room:

The kitchen has been painted the same color as our living room, since the living/dining and kitchen all blend together. The window in here is just itching for a curtain, but I've been trying to find something adorable, hopefully in the same green/aqua/turquoise theme I've been trying to incorporate in here.

Our floors and countertops are laminate and although something luxurious like granite and tile would be lovely, I like it as-is. The drawer situation is a little messed up and I certainly am missing having a pantry. The stainless steel appliances are great, and they are all made by Whirlpool which I consider to be a nice sturdy, reputable brand. I like the built in micro. We'd eventually love to replace the fridge for a steel model and The Husband is DYING to put in a gas stove. He hates the ceramic cooktop. I tend to like it because it's a cinch to clean. Short term goals in here include installing our kitchen faucet. The current faucet is broken and we are replacing it with a nice brushed nickel faucet, complete with soap dispenser and all. The lights in here are totally old school and atrocious, so The Husband is "cooking up" (lol) a plan to update the lighting scheme. The most annoying thing here is that the lightswitch for the kitchen is BEHIND the fridge. And no, the fridge can't be moved anywhere else. We also will have to hook up plumbing if we want an ice maker or a water dispenser.

Slightly irritating is the fact that the electrical outlet is so far away from the phone jack. Um, tacky. This white door here leads to our side yard, where there is a small patio. The coolest thing about this door is that you can open just the top of it. It's so fun! I hope to find a curtain for this door that matches the kitchen window.

This green china hutch belongs to my parents and I begged my mom to let me "borrow" it. It fits perfectly in the space, gives me some room for kitchen overflow, and I also have somewhat of a "work area." Someday I hope to fill this hutch with, you know, REAL CHINA. The blue birds are made by Blik Surface Graphics and are one of my favorite new decorative pieces I brought into the house (regardless of the fact that The Husband calls them "seagulls" and says they are silly looking.)

I love the eat-in kitchen concept. I never have to worry about how much crap the kids are spilling on the floor. Clean-up is so easy. Space, though, is a problem. It's difficult to fit all of us at the table anymore, and forget about having a dinner party. I'm also bummed out about the window being so close to where the table needs to be. It means that any window treatments I put up will constantly come into contact with little messy hands and might possibly be pulled down quite frequently.

The table has seen better days and one of my projects this Spring or Summer will be to repaint it. It will either be the same green as the hutch, or an aqua/turquoise.

Coming up next...The Living Room!

Sam Harris, please marry me

2009-02-17T15:49:00.000-08:00

Continuing with what I mentioned in the comment sections of my last post...

A taste of the man that I think is a captivating writer, a pure genius and who also happens to be hilariously sarcastic. DRUM ROLL PLEASE!

video platform
video management
video solutions
free video player

Me against Christian education

2009-02-16T15:24:00.000-08:00

So I touched on the whole "Christian Preschool" topic in my last post. As I got to thinking about it, I realized that it truly deserved an entire post to properly explain my views on the subject.

First off, I considered the local Lutheran preschool because of the outrageously low price. But then I got to thinking...What makes it so cheap? The kids attend the same days and times as the secular preschool. They appear to be doing the same kinds of activities and arts and crafts and such. And then it hit me. Of course. The Lutheran Preschool is a ministry. They aren't just there to teach little kids their ABC's. They are there to win over souls, baby. As I see it, the motivation behind almost everything a Christian does is to either a) Stay out of hell or b)Convert people to Christianity. I'm just not cool with the conversion of my 3 year old before he is even old enough to understand the Theory of Evolution.

I had several people tell me, "Oh it's okay. Bible stories and songs are fun for little kids! He'll love it! And besides, the Bible teaches such valuable life lessons, regardless of your religious affiliation (or lack thereof.)" And so, I opened my mind and got to thinking about the Bible stories I learned as a child. What stories might little Ry hear and what could he learn from them? Let's see here.

Adam & Eve: Disobey God and you are seriously fucked. Also, snakes can talk and human beings can be made from dust and ribs.

Noah and the Ark: Better listen to what God tell you to do or you are still seriously fucked! Also, you can build a big boat that can house a male and female of every species of animal on earth and for 40 days and 40 nights and they can all live in the same environment and you can feed and house them all appropriately.

Joseph and his coat of many colors: Brothers can be ruthless. Watch out, man.

Moses: First, he was abandoned as a baby in a basket on the Nile River. Then, God talked to him from a burning bush. THEN, Moses's brother Aaron turned a rod into a snake. And last, there were a bunch of plagues. Dude. Moses had a very exciting life.

Joshua and the Battle of Jericho: Again, do what God tells you to do, even if it seems absolutely batshit crazy.

David and Goliath: Little people can do big things, as long as they have God on their side!

Daniel in the Lion's Den: Don't be afraid to pray in public. And if anyone should throw you in a hole filled with lions, God will protect you.

Hrm.

Dear Jesus...er...

2009-02-16T08:40:00.000-08:00

Forgot to say-

After spending a few days with Nana and Papa (who are deeply religious), Ry told us all at dinner Saturday night that 'we needed to pray.' Thus began an interesting cooperative effort on our part to create the Atheists prayer, which basically went something like this:

"Thank you Earth for giving us food. Thank you Daddy for working so that we can have money to buy this food. Amen."

This event has also cemented into my mind that no, I will not be enrolling Ry in the Lutheran preschool down the street simply because it costs half as much as the local secular preschool. I just can't do that to him.

Nookie and exes and baby vomit

2009-02-16T07:54:00.000-08:00

Holy hell, it's Monday. And it's a No School Day. I hate No School Days! How many of these days ARE there? They are rapidly multiplying, I swear it.

I'm feeling better after a weekend and a reprieve from first my 3 year old and then from Aidan. I'm still really disappointed in The Husband's smoking. It has stopped our love life stone cold in its tracks. Not even any Valentine's Day nookie. Our lack of affection towards each other is startling. I guess we still have other excuses, though. Primarily a 12 week old baby that still has me up 2-4 times during the night and is adamant about sleeping tummy to tummy with me, his little face smashed in my cleavage.

In other news, I joined Facebook the other day and stumbled across an ex-boyfriend there, which is completely odd and alarming and weird and awkward in so many ways. This was a relationship that, for me, was intense and maddening and life-altering and heartbreaking. Curiosity led me to add him as a friend so I could take a peek at his current life, but I'm starting to believe that the Internet has cursed us in this way to reconnect with past flames and friendships. Some things are probably better left in the past, where the farther and farther away you get from them, the less important they seem.

Whoops, time to be excused. I've just been showered with baby vomit. Maybe I'll finish this later. ;)

Okay

2009-02-14T13:36:00.000-08:00

I realize I've been lazy about this, but I just don't have it in me. I hope I've done enough to keep the Unwanteds away.

-Aidan's name on this blog remains the same. Mainly because he doesn't have a nickname in our house, but also because how many "Aidans" are out there now? 50 million? Thank you everyone for copying me.

-My 9 year old= "T-bug"

-My 3 year old= "Ry"

-My infant= "Baby"

-My husband= "The Husband"

P.S. The husband left a Valentine's Day card for me this morning before he left for work. It says something to the effect of, "Thank you for putting up with me." As soon as I found it, I felt pretty guilty and hurriedly filled out his card and left it on the bed for him to find this evening. I'm such a softie.

Googleable

2009-02-13T14:43:00.000-08:00

My mother came and rescued me and took Ry for the day/night. So that's helpful. Aidan will be going back with her tonight. One less kid around here is always a good thing. I'm slowly coming back to myself. Everyone said "Sit back! Relax! Do nothing! Watch TV! Read a book!" and yet, TRULY, all I want to do is clean up the house and catch up on the laundry. Because once those things are done, I can finally feel normal again.

I still can't look my husband in the face and I refuse to give him the lovey dovey Valentine's Day card I bought him last week. My best friend Jenn says I should either:

a.) Rip it in half and leave it on the table where he can find it in the morning. (Happy fucking Valentine's Day!) OR

b.) Give it to him unsigned and unsealed and ask him to return it to the store so we can get our money back.

Those two options had me laughing wildly. Thanks, Jenn!

In other news, I need to either come up with nicknames for the characters in this blog or make it private. I'm now very googleable and although I don't think my mother in law knows how to work the internet, she might learn.

And some pics of Baby for your viewing pleasure. Because damn, he's still cute.

Breaking

2009-02-11T14:57:00.000-08:00

So, first Aidan's leopard gecko was attacked by our cat. (The same cat that the ER doctor told me I MUST GET RID OF and will be adopted out sometime next week, sniff sniff.) Aidan discovered the wounded lizard and seriously sobbed for hours on end in a way that was frightening and disturbing. He is still alive, however, and is being nursed back to health with a little hospital tank set up that is insanely sterile and neosporin rubbed on his wounds every day. Seriously! He has dropped his tail and just has a bloody nub there, has several scratches on his back, and a huge gash on his neck. Poor little guy.

Then, T-bug discovered cigarettes in the console of The Husband's truck and we all were let in on Dad's dirty little secret that after 5 months of being smoke-free, he has started smoking again. I can't tell you how sad this makes me. Largely because the price of him smoking is a hardship on our entire family. Cigarettes here are generally around $6 a pack, and for someone who smokes nearly 2 packs a day, the cost is astronomical. No, no more fun Friday movie nights. No more random trips to the Children's Museum. No more Happy Meals bought out of guilt. No more sports, no more activities, no more little treats here and there as long as my husband is sucking the money into his lungs while he slowly kills himself. I'm also embarassed. Probably more so than he is. There is nothing more disgusting and filthy and fucked up than to see a parent at their kid's soccer game, or off to the side at the playground, PUFFING AWAY. It's just wrong. WRONG. And for me, it's humiliating that my partner has to do this. It's also embarassing how much I've raved about his ability to quit to my friends and to my relatives. I've spoken about how he's done so well this time. How he has become so responsible, so mature, so completely dedicated to our kids and to me and to our family that he has finally ditched this disgusting habit and is becoming a real role model for his children. I'm also annoyed. I'm annoyed that I can no longer sleep in the same bed with him, because my baby co-sleeps and smokers should not share a bed with an infant. I'm annoyed that I've been pushed out of my room and I sleep on a futon. I'm annoyed that a marriage that has lately become more affectionate is now stone cold dead because I literally cannot be around a smoker anymore without gagging on their scent. And lastly, I'm afraid. I am so damn scared because here we are now at 30, and after more than a decade of heavy smoking, my husband will very likely suffer and die from a terrible disease and I will not only have to care for him through the disease, I will be made to watch him die and then I will bury him and be all by myself with our non-existent savings.

Enough of that.

Then, today, I took Ry for his follow up appointment from the ER visit. We saw a pediatrician and what I thought would be a 15 minute visit turned into a five hour ordeal. Because my 3 year old has pneumonia. Pneumonia that TWO different hospitals failed to recognize because they were too busy to order a chest x-ray. Hello! My child has been walking around with pneumonia since late December. All the while, I have cocky ER physicians telling me that he has asthma. AND giving him medication that the pediatrician tells me is absolutely insane and wrong and should never have happened.

This is where I break, people. This is where it happens and it is happening now.

Still...3 year olds are the funniest

2009-02-09T14:23:00.000-08:00

Funny things my 3 year old has said in the last week:

1. After 2 1/2 hours at the Children's Museum, where he literally ran around the entire time, completely ENTHRALLED and ENTERTAINED...we walk out the door and he says, in a flat, monotone voice: "That was BORING." Hurt, I say "What?! No it wasn't! You were having fun!" To which he replies: "Ha! I was just JOKING, Mommy!"

2. We sit down at the table with our lunch of McDonald's. His Happy Meal in a bag and my meal in a bigger bag. He takes his toy out of the bag and then watches me take out the contents of my bag. His eyes widen, he peers into my bag and then says "Oh no! They forgot your toy, Mommy!!!"

3. A few moments after I accidentally slammed his finger in the car door, I say, "I feel TERRIBLE!" He gives me this crazy look and says "No, *I* feel terrible!!!"

I need some luck, some karma and some God

2009-02-09T14:06:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to think that either a.) I have terrible luck, b.) I have terrible karma or c.) There IS a God and he is punishing me for finally becoming a true atheist.

You know, I see moms around town all of the time toting around small children and very few of them seem to be having any problems whatsoever. They certainly aren't having the kinds of problems I am ALWAYS experiencing. I'm just so totally stumped. I consider myself a pretty capable mother. I certainly am experienced. And yet, I cannot complete simple tasks without it becoming a huge circus. For instance, today I had a "To-Do" list that looked something like this:

1. Return rented movie.
2. Pick up one-hour photos at Target
3. Fax paperwork at the copy store.

Instead, my errands looked like this:

1. Pull into parking slot in front of movie drop box and frantically search for the movie that I had previously placed in the diaper bag. Look everywhere. Look in every nook and cranny of the car. Empty out the diaper bag 3 times. Give up. (Come home later to find the DVD on top of the TV. What???)

2. Roll into Target, squish baby seat and toddler into a cart. Push cart towards the photo department and hear the baby have a loud, explosive poop that you know isn't going to be pretty. Hurry to the EMPTY photo department and stand there for 15 minutes, waiting and searching for an employee. Give up. Find the nearest restroom and begin to change the baby who now has poop from waist to toes. Realize that there is not a SINGLE diaper in the diaper bag. PUT THE POOPIE DIAPER BACK ON, gingerly place baby back in carseat in the cart and hightail it back to the baby department. Buy a pack of disposable diapers (which takes a long time to figure out, considering he wears cloth.) Run back to the restroom, only to find that there is a huge barrier over the restroom door that says "DO NOT ENTER! CLOSED FOR CLEANING!" Feel like crying. Run out to the car to change baby on passenger seat in the freezing cold.

3. Park near the copy store and help 3 year old out of his carseat. Slam the car door on 3 year old's pinky. There are tears, screaming, serious serious pain and oh the searing guilt!!! Get into the copy store, hand over the fax, only to realize that a page is missing. Fax it anyway. Pay $10.85 for a motherfucking fax. Go back to the car. Find the missing page! Go back in the store. Fax a page for $2.17! Proceed to the nearest McDonald's to buy a Happy Meal for 3 year old out of sheer guilt for the pinky that is now swollen to the size of an adult thumb.

Sigh.

And this is not one of those stories that you laugh about later--those crazy days that come once in a blue moon. IT'S EVERY SINGLE DAY! What am I doing wrong here???

And guess what I'm doing tomorrow? #1 and #2 all over again! I wouldn't be surprised if my fax never goes through and I'm doing #3 as well! Wah.

Snap, he's cute.

2009-02-08T08:38:00.000-08:00

I know that everyone thinks *their* baby is the cutest baby in the universe. I realize that, really I do. But in this situation, you all are absolutely wrong about your own babies. Mine is the cutest. ** Obviously. I know you think so too, you just refuse to let yourself believe it.

Baby at 11 weeks. His neck folds smelling of spoiled breastmilk, his Alfalfa cow lick, his hair turning golden-red right before my very eyes, his belly enormous and full of warm mama milk and his eyes sleepy on a Sunday morning.

**I am humble enough to admit, however, that the cutest male toddler in the entire universe currently resides in Central Florida, and has been produced by my best friend, Jen.

Trying to come up for air

2009-02-07T18:44:00.001-08:00

I am recognizing that I need to blog more. My life is crazy, really crazy right now and not crazy as in "Wow what an interesting life you lead" but crazy like "The boring, mundane aspects of life are happening in warp speed and I am absolutely losing my mind." I have this problem with blogging, and it has to do with me feeling like I need to come up with something uber-entertaining for my readers. I rarely ever do it for myself, for the purpose of emptying myself of all the shit. Journaling is something that needs to happen for me, and since the first PC I purchased for myself, I am unable to put pen to paper in the way that I did a decade ago. I'm just struggling here, because I am certain that a few of my friends just do not find my life interesting whatsoever and I'll be damned if I write something in a public forum that isn't top notch. I need to get over that.

Anyway. Today was a hell of a day. The husband has been working CONSTANTLY, including Saturdays and so here I find myself at the end of a week where I am EXHAUSTED in ways that I think a lot of people have never experienced and will never understand. Ry had started up coughing again yesterday and throughout the night we were dosing him up with Robutussin. The Husband went off to work and by 7AM, Ry was having a full blown asthma attack. I gave him a nebulizer treatment, which helped, but after about an hour or so he was back to pulling for breath and crying and begging for another treatment. The last time I filled his albuterol prescription, the pharmacist told me to ABSOLUTELY NOT let him have treatments any sooner than 4 hours, but preferably 6 hours apart. And let me tell you, when you're dealing with a small child who can't breathe, another hour is a fucking eternity. I tried giving him the liquid steroids, but he was coughing so hard and so often that he was throwing up white frothy saliva and mucus and I doubt any of the medication actually got into him. Finally, I decided enough was enough and I googled for the nearest urgent care clinic. I mapquested it, printed out the directions and grabbed all of the kids (after having a serious screaming match at Aidan, who refused to understand the severity of the matter and as always, was only thinking of himself.) I'm driving to this unknown place in this area that I am still trying to learn and Baby is screaming and Ry is puking in the backseat and crying and wheezing and IT TAKES FOREVER TO FIND THE CLINIC. We get there and I haul everybody inside, where they don't even check me in because they take one look at Ry, who is WRITHING AROUND ON THE FLOOR and they say "To the nearest emergency room you go." Of course I don't know WHERE the nearest hospital may be and I'm given verbal directions for a hospital in the middle of nowhere that is at least 20 minutes away. I get everyone back in the car and I HAVE to nurse the screaming newborn and every minute that he's tugging away at my breast is another moment that my three-year-old cannot get enough air. We finally drive and drive and we get to the hospital where again, I am not even checked in because they hear Ry gasping and they immediately swoop him into the back and he is given a treatment and the doctor says "ALWAYS give him a treatment if he needs one. Don't ever hesitate! You do not have to wait 4 hours if he is like this!" and I feel stupid and I know that here comes another hospital bill for something that I could have prevented in the first place. It all keeps happening, this juggling of the needs of four little people and my own needs coming last. The growling in my belly or the "I've had to pee for FOUR HOURS" or the "I'm so tired my eyes are literally crossing on their own." And after days like this, days that run into each other and are all so very much the same, my husband wants his time with me and covered in snot and baby poop and toddler mucus and spitup, I just want my body TO MYSELF and I just wish that for an hour, it would all stop and let me BREATHE.

That's what little boys are made of

2009-02-05T07:55:00.000-08:00

10 weeks

Out and About

2009-02-04T13:55:00.000-08:00

Monday we went to La Leche League, Tuesday we went to the Children's Museum, and today we went to a park (on a GORGEOUS day--IN FEBRUARY!!!)

This makes me wonder why we haven't been out and about until now. Obviously there was a lack of activities on-island. But maybe I was a little too much of a hermit as well.

No matter. I'm enjoying civilization. And so is Ry. Even dragging a newborn + supplies around all over the place.

Kill me now

2009-01-31T13:04:00.000-08:00

I am so bored I am so bored I am so bored I am so bored.

I could seriously use a girlfriend, some fattening food and a cocktail.

The start to a decade chock full of fun

2009-01-28T14:00:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up at 7AM in order to get all five of us out the door by 9AM. (Yes, it really does take that long. Sometimes longer, but I had organized everything the night before including lunches, clothing, shoes, etc.) After a two hour mad rush, I drove the boys to their new school and loaded up Baby in the Ergo while holding ferociously onto Ry's hand so he wouldn't run off and escape, which he does at EVERY SINGLE OPPORTUNITY. We checked in at the main office, took the kids down to their classrooms and I met the teachers. After leaving the school, I drove down to the Super Walmart for my first shopping trip at an (evil! evil!) SUPER Walmart AND my first grocery shopping trip with Baby AND Ry. On the ride there, I heard some gurgling coming from Baby's direction and I also heard Ry tell me that "Baby had rain on him." I just figured Baby was drooling, which he has been doing a lot of lately. Oh the surprise when we parked and I went to take him out of the carseat and there was spit up EVERYWHERE. From his chin to his crotch, he was absolutely soaked in curdled, mucuousy breastmilk. Into the Ergo he went, as my chest was being smothered in baby puke and I continue to hold tightly on to Ry's hand. We speed walk into the store, which is BIG and OVERWHLEMING and somewhat scary and I ask the nearest employee where the restroom is. She directs me and I walk into the bathroom, straight into the handicap stall to look for the baby changing table and THERE IS NONE. I check all of the stalls and I look around , puzzled and amazed. For a brief 2 seconds, I consider lying something down on the ground and him on top, but I shudder and walk out. I grab ANOTHER employee and ask if there is a restroom with a changing table. He points to THE BACK OF THE STORE, which seems MILES away. I sigh and start walking in that direction when I change my mind and decide we should probably go back to the front entrance and get a cart first. When we finally get back to the "Family Restroom", I realize that there isn't JUST baby puke all over Baby (and now myself at this point.) Oh no, it couldn't be that simple. There is also explosive diarrhea on his bottom half. I'm a total expert, and although I have a change of clothes on hand, I don't have a wetbag or a plastic bag or ANYTHING to stash his nasty diaper/clothes in, so I just wad them all up in a ball and hope it doesn't open up in my bag. It's really the least of my concerns. Also, I wiped his butt with a Purell wipe, which I'm sure cannot possibly be safe for genitalia, but it's all I had. As I'm doing this, I hear a crinkling and I look behind me to find that Ry has pulled out the little bag from the tampon/pad garbage container and is saying (very delightedly), "OOOOH! A LUNCH SACK!"

Also, it's my 30th birthday today. Hip hip hooray!!!

Overwhelmed

2009-01-27T07:23:00.000-08:00

I am overwhelmed with life right now. I have to continually remind myself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm overwhelmed that I have just bought my very first home and my very first mortgage payment will be late. I'm overwhelmed with how many people around us are losing jobs left and right and how my husband's job is hanging by a thread. I'm overwhelmed that the biggest tax return we've received to date will go into a savings account and instead of taking my kids to Disneyland, the money will be sucked away when he is inevitably laid off of work.

I'm overwhelmed with unpacking, when there is no room for everything and I feel like I'm playing with a moving jigsaw puzzle. I move things from one place to the other in order to get to the one thing I need and then I move everything back again. I'm overwhelmed by the fact that even after 9 hours of cleaning out my old rental, my husband has had to remain there for 3 more days to finish the job while I try to manage all by myself. I'm overwhelmed with trying to register my kids for school and making sure they know where they are going and that they feel comfortable and safe and not afraid.

I'm overwhelmed by my 9 week old baby, who still cries so much and so often that I have begun to lose my empathy for his cries and they start to sound like something that can be easily ignored. I'm overwhelmed because sometimes instead of the empathy I SHOULD have for him, I start feeling anger at the poor newborn baby that won't give me a single second to breathe, much less do anything else. I'm overwhelmed by the necessity of a nursing baby to be on my person 24/7 and to never truly feel alone and relaxed, even in the shower or on the toilet.

I'm overwhelmed because my 3 year old has still not recovered from the simple fact that he is no longer the baby. I'm overwhelmed because he appears to be angry with me, each and every day and I cannot find the little boy that I lost way back in November. I'm overwhelmed because he has recently been diagnosed with asthma, after an attack landed him in the Emergency Room and because he is sick again and I am giving him steroids and treatments that make him jittery and weird and he pulls for breath even as he sleeps and I still don't know where the nearest hospital is.

I'm overwhelmed by the lack of local friendships and how lonely I feel, even as I am surrounded by the little people I am raising.

I keep waiting for that light at the end of the tunnel to reveal itself, even if only a pinprick. My husband says, "You just have to get used to the fact that this is how it is now. We have four children. It will be this way for a long time." I tell him that he's wrong. It can't possibly go on like this forever. It just can't.

No Time for you, asshole

2009-01-25T18:59:00.001-08:00

Nobody responded to my Monster Truck post. What is wrong with you people? Don't you know I'm in the middle of a move, I have a newborn, a 3 year old and two other BOYS and I'm still taking the time to update you on my fabulously exciting life? My GOD.

I'm very busy right now. Much too busy for you, actually, but here is me being nice:

1. My 10 year old started wearing deoderant and a few nights ago, a GIRL called him at 12:30AM. I shat my pants.

2. Six people do not fit in 1200 square feet. Especially when four of those people are children. It's like living in a hotel suite. You can even hear everyone's poops. I think it will get old fast.

3. Coffee is God.

Vroom

2009-01-20T10:20:00.000-08:00

I don't care how posh you are, if you've spawned a male child, it is recommended that you take him to the yearly monster truck show. If you're anything like me and you have something like four (!!!) boys, you simply have no choice.

My boys attended the Sunday afternoon show. Apparently, a 6 year old boy tragically died at the Friday night show when a piece of a truck the size of a Frisbee flew off and hit the child. This is definitely one area where it's best to be cheap like me, and buy the $5 tickets in the nosebleed section.

And just for fun--the cutest, sad 2 month old face you ever did see:

Kids These Days

2009-01-15T10:17:00.000-08:00

No time no time no time.

Okay, just enough time to tell a funny story.

Yesterday Ry was looking at a Kleenex box. On this Kleenex box was a picture of a Snowman wearing earmuffs. Ry gets this look of recognition in his 3 year old eyes and says, "Look! That snowman is wearing his ipods!"

Leaving Pieces Behind

2009-01-07T18:44:00.000-08:00

Has anyone ever seen that animated Charmin commercial where the bears are leaving pieces of toilet paper behind on their bum because they're using cheapo TP instead of the good stuff?

Okay, seriously. Let the truth be known. Does that ever happen to anyone? Hello? Are you out there? I simply must know. Because in my nearly 30 years of pooping, I have never once left pieces behind. And even if I have, I didn't know about it. How would you know? Would you randomly dig around to make sure there was nothing leftover? Would you spread your buttcheeks in front of a mirror? (Because honestly, I have done this before after poops where I had to wipe like 500x and I still wasn't absolutely sure I had gotten it all. And yet, even then, no pieces of toilet paper clinging to my asscrack hair. And we use the bottom of the barrel, single ply tissue) Heh heh heh. Alrighty then. Please let your voice be heard. I'm dying of curiosity.

2009-01-05T12:11:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well. I finally convinced my husband to call his mother and ask for the money we were promised. She told us that there must have been some sort of misunderstanding. She claims that she only promised us money if we needed a DOWN PAYMENT. (Not true, since we explained our plan to her several times before sealing the deal on the house and she was agreeable each time.) The woman is either a.) Losing her marbles, which is entirely possible or b.) Like always, is refusing to give us something we need because we did not do it HER way.

And so, instead of $10,000, she came up to our new house yesterday and said she would take me shopping at Home Depot and buy some things we needed for the repairs. This meant, basically, that we would wander around Home Depot while I read the items off of my list and she told me what we did not REALLY need. The items that she DID take a liking to, she picked out herself. (An argument ensued because she wanted to buy us a $250 faucet because she didn't like the $70 one I had picked out.) When I went to the paint section to BUY MY OWN PAINT for the house, she put her foot down about the colors I had chosen, telling me "you don't want that in your living room." Funny how SHE knows what I really, truly want!

The bill at Home Depot came to over $400. I left with less than half of the items on our list and she was shocked that she had to spend so much.

Imagine

2008-12-28T08:30:00.000-08:00

Imagine that you've never owned a home. Imagine that it is one of your most cherished dreams. Unfortunately, although your credit is decent and you are approved for a home loan, you do not have a downpayment (or any money, really, to cover an inspection or earnest money or closing costs or moving expenses or repairs.) Imagine that the monthly payment you could afford in THE SEATTLE AREA brings you to a purchase price of less than $200,000.

Imagine that your mother-in-law tells you that she will gift you 3% downpayment. She wants to see you and her son finally finally finally in a home of your own, stable and secure and permanent, where you can raise her grandsons and live happily ever after.

Imagine that you spend four months looking for a home in five different counties and come up with nothing in your price range. Imagine that you go through three different real estate agents, who all tell you that you're looking for a needle in a haystack. Imagine that you are unwilling to compromise on location. You want good schools and a safe neighborhood for your children.

Imagine that during your home search, you discover that your income qualifies you for a loan that requires NO DOWN PAYMENT. This is a rare find in today's market. Although the interest rate is a bit higher than a FHA loan, and everything else about it is a bit tricker and a pain in the ass, you decide to go for it. Why? Because you can now take a portion of that 3% gift money and pay off a creditor which will, in turn, allow you to afford a slightly higher priced home (in the 230k range.) This, although difficult, may be possible.

Imagine that you find a bank owned home in your price range. It meets all of your basic requirements and the location is PRIME. It is in need of repairs. Nothing major that your inspector can find, but many many many small repairs that leave you with a list at least a page long of "things to fix before move-in." Imagine that you look at your finances and find that you can pay off your creditor and do the necessary repairs with the 3% gift money your mother in law has said she will give you. You make an offer on the house. Your offer is accepted. Your mother-in-law comes to look at your new house and tells you where your furniture needs to go, what colors you need to paint each wall and what renovations should be done. You put up with it because, after all, she's giving you such a generous gift. You spend several weeks doing all kinds of bullshit home buying stuff, which includes running to the copy place multiple times per day with a 3 year old and a newborn to fax paperwork to the bank, to the seller, to the agent, and to escrow. You drive an hour in a half in a snowstorm to sign your closing documents. You wait for your key.

And then you begin to hear the following statements from your mother in law.

"I really don't want to take money out of my retirement account because everything is so crazy with my investments right now..."

"How about I'll pay for your movers? That will take a huge load off of your moving expenses."

"All you really need to do to that house is paint. You can repair THE SAGGING FLOOR later. Here is $200 for paint."

"You should be getting a tax return. Don't you get child tax credits or something?"

You are within days of receiving your key. You have less than a month to complete all necessary repairs before move-in. You cannot begin a single project (besides paint!) because Christmas has completely wiped out any extra money you may have had. You sit you wait you sit you wait and you no longer sleep at night.

Glimpses of Ordinary Life

2008-10-22T09:15:00.000-07:00